Wednesday, December 30, 2009


I've just always wanted to complain about the Course wrecking up some of my favorite words like the word "special" for instance. Now, that's always been a good word in my book. Just visit the card aisle and you'll see the word "special" all over the place. To a special boy, On this special day, For my special someone, This special time, This special place, all meaning extra good, right?

Well, then Jesus comes along and uses the word "special" to mean the word "separate!" Yikes, if I remember right, that was the whole problem in the first place! And that's the very thing I'm trying to realize that I'm not! And so, now I'm coming to terms with how often I do seek to be special which is really just separation in disguise! Man, see what I mean...all wrecked up!

Also, He wrecked up the word "magic" too because I loved the idea of magic being a twinkling of the nose, a wave of the wand and waalaa whatever you want. And then, here comes this new definition which basically amounts to apparently anything that we've made as a substitute for God like air, food, and water. What the heckity, heck? Sometimes, I think He's freakin' crazy, but I know it's really me, hence the name!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Weird, Freaky, and True!

I think A Course in Miracles is weird, freaky, and true! It seems like after a while you just know it's true. The contrast between the Holy Spirit's thinking and the ego's thinking becomes clearer and clearer and then foggy and then clearer and then foggy...anyway, I believe that somewhere on down the line it clears all the way up, once and for all!

In the meantime, it does really start to get fun because you just know that something is happening. It can be as subtle as a sense that everything really is going to be alright or as dramatic as realizing you've switched dimensions of time. By the way, that is actually happening as you practice true forgiveness. There are lessons that you no longer need to learn, and so, it's like the Holy Spirit is erasing those parts of the tapes!

There are many welcomed experiences along the way, but they emerge within a difficult process. Becoming aware that you are the one ego appearing as many definitely isn't pretty. That's why you have to trust the Holy Spirit who is going to show you that the ego is not you.

That sounds a bit contradictory to say that you are the one ego appearing as many while saying you are not the ego, but the ego is what you have come to believe is true about yourself. Looking at what you believe is true is a necessary part of the process. Jesus says paraphrasing, illusions are protected by not looking at them and together we have the lamp that will dispel them. Thank God!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

There's Only One Student...

and one Teacher of A Course in Miracles. Isn't that fascinating? Each one must take responsibility for the entire dream. No matter who picks up that blue book, that's who Jesus is talking to. He isn't talking to someone else. There is no one else. Now, here's something else that's even more wild. He is talking only to you but not you the body. He's talking to you the mind, the one mind that incorrectly thinks it's here to be exact.

Also, they say the Course is holographic in nature meaning the whole is found in each of its parts. Hey, now that's freaky cool business right there. I'm glad to be involved in this and to have a shot at getting the hell outta here by practicing true forgiveness and realizing I never left Heaven in the first place.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

You Spot It, You Got It!

I don't know who first coined that phrase. I believe I first heard it while reading at either the DU discussion group or Course Talk.

But, man oh man, if you're a Course student, there's no getting away from it. I don't see any way to actually correct someone else. First of all, according to Jesus, there is no one else. So, the minute I walk up to someone, or call them up, or whip out my keyboard to straighten out one of my brothers or sisters, what am I really doing but making the separation real in my own mind.

Now, if someone is standing on my toe, I'll speak up. There's no need to be weird!

But if someone thinks I'm a poor student who doesn't forgive right or whatever, what does that really say about me? In truth, it says nothing about me. What it really says is that the person making the judgments secretly believes they are guilty otherwise they wouldn't need to make the judgments. And if one of my brothers is surrounded by imaginary guilt, the last thing I want to do is reinforce it.

So knowing that much makes it so much easier to just stop and join with Jesus in my mind and forgive "both" of us for what we haven't really done. And if I can keep that up, I will become whole again! Thank God!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Radical Stuff...

A Course in Miracles is radical stuff, like the idea that I don't know who I am or what would make me happy. Don't most of us think that we know who we are and what would make us happy? But, do we, really?

Heck, if I know. The Course promises there is one in me that does know. That's the one I want to put in charge, the one that knows everything. I mean, duh, right?

That way I can relax a bit and just enjoy the show!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Oh, This Crazy Dream...

On Monday, I have a job interview at Social Services. On Tuesday, I have a food stamp interview at Social Services. Oh, the irony...

I never thought I would have a food stamp interview, but that's the thing you want to have when you don't have any food. Alright, I'm exaggerating because I did just eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

How fun it will be to stand in line at the grocery store and wonder if the guy behind me thinks I'm a drain on society?

I guess it's good that I've been so firmly taught that the important thing is not what the guy behind me thinks of me, but what I think of him. Yeah, I'm going to be pretty darn careful about that!

And maybe I'll get the job on Monday. It's really interesting to consider that if it's mine, I can't lose it and if it's not, I can't have it.

According to Arten and Pursah, two of my favorite Teachers in The Disappearance of the Universe, I can relax knowing I can't lose my Source. One tool can be quickly and easily replaced by another one. I believe it!

I know that money won't make me happy, but I do still want to try it out just to be sure!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oprah Campaign!

Today I went to Oprah's website. I went to the very bottom of the page clicked on "contact us" and then clicked on "show suggestions." Here's what I wrote:

I would love to see Oprah interview Gary Renard author of The Disappearance of the Universe and Your Immortal Reality. In his books, Gary makes the fascinating and sensational claim that he was visited by two ascended masters who appeared on his living room couch. In his first book, Gary relates no less than the secrets of the Universe that his Friends shared with him during their 17 appearances over the Course of 9 years. I have never read anything truer or more fascinating. His Teachers offer a major clarification of another spiritual document called A Course in Miracles. Gary has a wonderful gift for delivering the Holy Spirit's message with humor and clarity, and there is no one I'd rather see on Oprah!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Crying Through This Holy Instant...

I cried a river, two lakes, and an ocean last night.

It sure seemed like it was because the kids had broken another one of my favorite Christmas decorations. I didn't so much as bat an eye earlier when one of the wise men lost his head. I still had two all intact, and I figured two heads were better than one.

...And it's true that I might have felt a "slight twinge of annoyance" when my singing Christmas tree lost an eye, but I think I handled it just fine.

...But for some reason, this was different, I was so angry at first, and then just so very, very sad. There was no pretending I wasn't. You can't hide tears like that. They just came and came and came...

Thank God, I had the Holy Spirit and His thought system to turn to. I remembered that I'm never upset for the reasons I think. I could consider that it was really my home in Heaven that I was missing, and I couldn't help but notice my tremendous temptation to project the blame for my experience of separation onto my children. I might as well have been saying to them, "I lost God, and it's all your fault!"

Instead, I didn't say anything. I just picked up the broken Christmas doll, threw her in the garbage, and grabbed Jesus in a choke hold.

Those kids all got together. One of them pulled the dolly out of the trash and performed a duct tape miracle while the other wrote the sweetest letter of apology my eyes have ever read. The baby was sleeping soundly in his manger, I mean his bed, and for the rest of the night we were all just love.

Monday, December 14, 2009

It's Book Excerpt Time, Again!

The very next day from that same section called, "Year Five: 2009"

9/9/09 Dear J, Wowie, wow, wow, wow, and wow! Yesterday I didn't even know what day it was, and today it's like I know everything. I asked you one simple question over and over and you gave me one simple answer over and over in the most beautifully symbolic ways, and all that kind of triggered and experience of love that is not of this world, yet is surely reflected here in all of my brothers.

Albert ended up having just one early nap, so he was asleep in time for me to watch one of my favorite shows, Scrubs, on Comedy Central last night. Ted and his accapella group of singers broke into that song that goes, "Who are you, hu, hu, hu, hu. I really want to know..." That was wild and had my attention!

So anyway, this nurse, Laverne, who is always talking about you and loves having sex, died a while back, and now, there's a new nurse who looks exactly the same as her (same actor) working in the hospital where the show mainly takes place. JD, the main character, nicknames the new nurse Lavernagain. So anyway, all of that kind of answered my question because no matter what body my eyes seem to see it's really Christagain. So as I look at my brothers and all my crazy thoughts about them, I can turn to you, and you show me that it's really Christagain. How lovely is that? Thank God. Love, Dawn

Sunday, December 13, 2009

It's Book Excerpt Time!

From the section called, "For Your Information..."

This is my real actual diary, and I use those terms loosely as only a Course student would know. I did not keep this diary for any other reason than to seek help from Jesus in ending my own suffering. I didn't change anything. I merely typed up the four or five notebooks I had filled with letters to Jesus...

And from the section called, "Year Five: 2009"

9/?/09 Dear J, I don't even know what day it is. I think its the 8th. I really don't know what to do. My mind is split. You may very well be telling me what to do and I may not believe you. Or you may not be telling me what to do and I may be making up a you and considering that you are telling me what to do. And who is the me who may be making up a you? Who am I? I'm so confused by all the me's and you's. You ask who is the you who is living in this world? I don't know the answer. Am I supposed to know the answer? I've been asking you what kind of life is best for me for a while now, and I think you've answered. Did you? If you did, why don't I believe you? If you didn't, why haven't you? Who are YOU? Who are YOU? That is my question. Who are YOU? Love, Dawn

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's Saturday Night...

...and so for me, it's movie night here in dreamland. I watched, "Mr. Deeds" with Adam Sandler and Wynona Ryder. That part where Deeds (Adam Sandler) is showing off his formerly frostbitten foot and encouraging that guy to hit and poke it with the fire poker on account of it has no feeling reminds me of the old "the guiltless mind cannot suffer," quote of J's.

That's all I've got. No wait, there's more. That part where Deeds is delivering pizza and those two guys tell him he doesn't have to deliver pizza anymore because he just inherited forty billion dollars and he says, "What does that have to do with delivering pizza?"

That reminds me of Arten and Pursah saying that how much money you have has absolutely nothing to do with how spiritual you are. The two are like apples and oranges. That's good to know.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I Wouldn't Even Be a Course Student If It Weren't For...

Gary Renard, and his book, The Disappearance of the Universe. That is, hands down, my all time favorite book ever written. I just finished reading it for the 22nd time. I don't know why I started keeping track of the number of reads. I had no idea I would read it so many times, and to tell you the truth, I have no intention of stopping...until I'm Home, that is.

I would think that after reading something that many times I'd be sick of it, but my experience has been the exact opposite of that. The more I read it, the more it blows my mind and amazes me. The same goes for Gary's second book, Your Immortal Reality, and also the Course itself which for some reason I didn't keep track of the number of reads. I also love anything by the Wapnicks.

I may be a mad Course student now, but with help like this available there's hope for me yet. These wonderful Teachers all seem to say that repetition is mandatory and having these ideas floating around in the mind helps them to become dominant. I'm all for having the Holy Spirit take over my unconscious mind.

On the other hand, I really don't think that compulsively reading something over and over is necessary. I just happen to love to read, and since I ran into this teaching during a very difficult time in my life, I was ready. As Jesus says in the Course, paraphrasing, tolerance for pain may be high but is not without limit. To that I say....UNCLE!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Why Blog?

Well, the real reason I'm blogging is because I heard a Voice that said, "If you write it, they will read." I'm just yanking your chain! I actually started this blog because I wrote a book that no one knows about and it can apparently help me get published if people know at least a little something about me and the book.

The book is called, Diary of a Mad Course Student, go figure. I hope it will soon be available for people who are interested. I figure I will post some excerpts here in the near future for your reading pleasure.

I also thought now might be a good time to mention that I'm a huge, huge fan of Gary Renard and his books, The Disappearance of the Universe and Your Immortal Reality. In fact, I'm already thinking of the title for my next blog, "I wouldn't even be a student of A Course in Miracles if it weren't for...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Must Blog!

It was a dark and stormy night and windy. I discovered a brick on my tablet, and immediately realized that I had writer's block. And so I forgave it, whipped out my keyboard, and waited to see if anything would come to mind. Nothing did, and so, I decided to just keep it true and God is

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Back by Popular Demand

Okay, I slacked.

The good news is I have this friend. Let's just call her Christ seeing as that's who she really is anyway. We chat a lot about A Course in Miracles. We also chat a lot about other stuff like Shrouds of Turin, who shot JFK, aliens, reincarnation, the in between life, communicating with the "dead", reading cards, Christmas shopping, making money, and what we ate on Thanksgiving. We have a good time putting things into perspective using the Course and the Holy Spirit as our guide.

She suggested that since I have a daily blog maybe I could blog daily. I think she might be a genius! Anyway, we were just talking about all the fascinating things in the Universe of time and space that aren't really there. The Course says, "There is no world. This is the central thought the Course attempts to teach..."

Yet, there is nothing wrong with our dream if we understand it and forgive it. It's hardly a shock that I used my beginner's interpretation of the Course to interpret the Course in the beginning. So, I thought that some of the things that Jesus says like, "The world was made as an attack on God," meant that the world is bad.

Well, how could something that doesn't exist be bad? Yeah, the real reason we needed to make up a world in the first place was to separate ourself from the guilt in our mind over what we thought we did. Yet, here's Jesus saying none of us did what we thought we did because you can't actually attack God except in unreal dreams. So, now instead of hiding out in the world, we can use it to get home.

Also, while we appear to be in the world, we always have the option of remembering where Jesus insists we really are... safe at home in Heaven! Just that one idea is fun to think about. If it's really true which it's got to be considering the Source, then we can probably all just relax, forgive, and have fun!

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I was watching Jeopardy the other night and I found out that intrepid means fearless. That's cool to know. I wouldn't mind being intrepid. In fact, I finally feel like I'm headed that way. It's wild to think that fear doesn't even exist. Heck, I don't even exist...uh-oh, now I'm scared. Just kidding.

The truth is I don't exist separate from God. There's gotta be a difference between not existing and not existing separately from God, right?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Not Tonight, I Have a Headache.

That's what I would have said, if I would have said anything last night, but I didn't. And yet my headache, as real as it felt, was a false experience? Wow, because Jesus says somewhere and I don't know where but He says, "At no single instant does the body exist at all." That just goes to show ya that I have a lot of work to do! So, I'm going to go do it!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy Birthday!

First, today one of my three sons, George, turned 10! So, happy birthday, Georgie!

Second, what is a wig wam?

And third, I find it challenging to answer the question, "What is A Course in Miracles?" Tonight at the birthday party, someone who has never even heard of the Course asked me that question, and I was a bit at a loss for words. Then afterwords, I thought of what I should have said and cringed at what I did say. How do you sum that up real quick? I find it easier to talk about it when I think I'm talking to people who already know all about it. And it's always fun to remember the larger truth that no matter who I think I'm talking to, it's really Christ that's out there. And He already knows everything! Maybe, it's not a big deal, and we're all innocent no matter what we say or don't say. Yeah, that sounds most logical.

And maybe, I'm just chatting because I said I was going to, and I hate it when I lie to myself, LOL.