I know that is a disgusting title and I apologize if anyone reading this just ate or drank or has the flu, but that's how I feel...like ten buckets of vomit.
I don't know what happened. I was feeling so peaceful thinking boy this forgiveness really works. I even had visions of sugar plums dancing through my mind, and then shlazam, it's like I tripped and fell all the way to hell.
Where's the easy button?
I have lots and lots of things that I am trying to blame for this sudden decent into the depths of darkness, yet the secret of salvation is but this that I am doing this unto myself.
Well then...straight from the Course's mouth (paraphrasing):
I must have decided wrongly because I am not at peace.
Since I made the decision I can decide otherwise.
I do not feel guilty because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him.
I choose to let Him by allowing Him to decide for God for me.