Dear John,

Hey little brother! Thanks for letting me know you were here yesterday. You couldn't have picked a more perfect time to reach across the veil in our mind and touch me.

As you know, the day started out with me feeling like a rabid beast. God knows (okay, He doesn't really know)I was actually growling like a beast when I went to put on my favorite shirt of yours that I knew I had just folded straight out of the dryer the day before, and it was nowhere to be found.

I growled right out loud as I went stomping into the kids rooms wondering if Georgie had delivered it to the wrong room. I had just come out of the first room and was ready to head into the second, and Albert was there holding the shirt out for me. He said, "Here's your shirt, mama." And I couldn't believe my eyes! He's 2, for Heaven's sake! And it was just me and Him. The other kids were at school.

"How could that be?" I wondered.

It didn't take long, and I had forgotten all about it. I was busy, after all, being a rabid beast.

So later, Ron came to see the kids, and I asked him to help me take a look at the fridge as a mysterious puddle had formed on the carpet a couple of weeks ago, and it just wouldn't dry! We found a tray in there that needed dumping, cool.

Then later, while rocking Albs to sleep I got out my netflix movie called Dear John. I knew I wanted to see it ever since I saw it advertised at the movie theater. I knew I wanted to see it because I have notebooks full of letters to you brother, and they all start with Dear John. After your motorcycle crashed head long into that pickup truck, I just started writing to you, and you have never failed to answer me.

Well, right off the bat the "John" in that movie said, "He was minted in 1980." That was the year you were born. I started to cry. Then there was the broken fridge scene and I cried some more. Then I took a smoke break and looked over at some old receipt sitting on the side table next to the ashtray. It had some numbers written on it. I must have been calculating something at some point...the bottom line said 1980, and I cried some more.

So then, I went back into the house, and checked my email before restarting the movie. Someone at one of my yahoo groups had posted this excerpt from a book, It went like this "Before I knowed it, I was sayin' out loud, 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing'...I says, 'What's this call, this Sperit?' An'I says, 'It's love. I love people so much I'm fit to bust sometimes.'...I figgered, 'Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe, 'I figgered, 'maybe it's all men an' all women we love; maybe that's the Holy Sperit-the human sperit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of.' Now I sat there thinkin' it, an' all of a sudden-I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it."

The book was called, The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck. And so I cried some more because I knew it too. I just knew it, and there was your name.

Then the movie ended and the last four words that were spoken were, "I'll see you soon."

And I cried some more, and then, I went to bed, and I remembered about the shirt and the baby, and I just thanked God for my brother who is one with me!

A Rabid Beast

Today, I feel like a rabid beast.

GOD, HELP ME!

The Junk in My Trunk

A Course in Miracles is very much about the healing of the unconscious guilt in the mind. I've recently begun referring to said guilt as the junk in my trunk!

As more illusory time seems to pass between my learning about this pile of junk and my application of true forgiveness, I notice these beautiful instances when there just is NO junk in my trunk or anyone else's trunk for that matter. There's nothing scary about this realization. In fact, it is the exact opposite of scary. It's the most peaceful and beautiful experience I've ever had. I wouldn't mind being that way all the time.

Don't get me wrong, there are other times when there seems to be so much junk in my trunk that I wonder if I'm doing my part of the junk removal process correctly. Interestingly, these are often the same times when I'm noticing the junk in my brother's trunk.

My willingness to notice that the junk in my brother's trunk is the same darn junk that is in my own trunk is what helps me to experience that all the junk is just imagined, made up, unreal! Of course, the Holy Spirit does His thing which evidently is all the heavy junk lifting.

Sooner or later, we all get down to the last piece of imagined junk in that imagined trunk, and then LOVE will be all that's left!

Thank God for his beautiful teachers who aren't afraid to speak up about the junk in my trunk. If I refuse to look at the junk, how will I ever know I am free of it?

Forgiving Butts Continued...

Alright, as promised, let's chat about forgiving butts. I was riding down the street in Jamestown, New York with my three boys. I'm a rider rather than a driver now because my oldest is sweet 16 and fully armed with a permit.

Anyway, we drove past these two guys on bicycles, and they had their regular shorts pulled down just below their butt cheeks. They had boxer shorts on too, so we didn't actually see any bare butts, but I had the thought, "Pull your pants up!"

Then I caught myself making these brothers wrong for wearing their shorts down too low. What's that but a judgment? So, I forgave my brothers, and thus myself, for what we hadn't really done.

Then the next day I got up and got dressed, and later I notice that the shorts I am wearing are actually men's boxer shorts! Ha, that'll learn me!

That part of the mind J calls the ego just wants to keep on projecting, and apparently, any old target will do!

I guess that's why He calls it mind training!

Forgiving Butts

I was going to chat about a weird forgiveness opportunity that came up yesterday while riding in the car with my three sons. BUT instead, I think I'll chat about the three ways of undoing the ego as taught by my favorite famous author and Course teacher, Gary Renard.

(I'll save the discussion about "forgiving butts" for tomorrow...stayed tuned!)

These three strategies for undoing the ego are in no particular order, and they all come from Gary's podcasts which can be found by clicking on the link for his website which is located in the upper right hand corner of this screen.

The first way takes about 10 seconds. What you do is put the Holy Spirit in charge of your thoughts, decisions, and your whole entire day. I personally do this within a few minutes of waking each day. I simply think this thought, "J, you be in charge of my thoughts, my decisions, and my whole entire day. I would step back and let you lead the way." That last line is from the Course's Workbook. I believe it's from Lesson 155. I also think a similar thought before going to bed. I think, "J, you be in charge of my thoughts, my dreams, and my whole entire night." Hey, I like to be covered whether I appear to be awake or sleeping.

As a teensy sidenote, I also like to remember to thank the Holy Spirit for His Help at the end of each day!

The second way is to use the form of true prayer that is taught in The Disappearance of the Universe in chapter 13 entitled, True Prayer and Abundance. This is an active decision that says, "God, You are all I want. I'm thankful that You created me to be exactly the same as You. I thank You for keeping me perfectly safe and completely taken care of. I would have no other Gods before You, no Love but Yours." Then you become silent and just get lost in God's Love! It is simple and beautiful! Gary recommends we do this five minutes in the morning and five minutes at night. He's one smart cookie!

The third way is to practice true forgiveness which means monitoring your thoughts and feelings and forgiving anything that seems to disturb your peace of mind. With this kind of forgiveness, you are choosing to take responsibility for dreaming. Now, it's your dream, and so, you're forgiving your brothers and sisters for what they HAVEN'T really done. You're basically saying, "Wait a minute, neither one of us really exists separately from God. So, the guilt that I thought was in you is really just imagined guilt that is in my own mind. Now, I can forgive "both" of us for what we haven't really done, and I trust the Holy Spirit and choose His strength." Of course, there can be different variations on the forgiveness thought process. As long as all the elements are there, we can think whatever right-minded thoughts we prefer.

Consistently doing these three things can't help but lead us to the Peace of God! Also, it couldn't hurt to study the Course book a bit, do the Workbook, and maybe read Gary's book(s) a few dozen times if that's what turns you on. It sure turns me on! The reason it does is because I see in it my whole way out...my way out of misery, my way out of suffering, my way out of hell, it's time to go HOME!

A Loss for Words

Well, I'm at a loss for words today. It's my third day back blogging, and I just don't have anything interesting to report.

My shower drain has been all clogged up for a couple of weeks. I hate it when that happens! So today, after I forgave it, I poured a bottle of Liquid Plumber down there, and wa-la, all fixed.

What does that have to do with A Course in Miracles? Not a freaking thing as far as I know, but if my reader has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

Funny, I said, "my reader." I do have one, and she's a gosh darn good one too...my favorite, in fact!

What else...I only did half of my five minute meditation this morning. The HS is in charge, but I didn't get to the getting lost in God's Love part. Maybe that's the problem? Um, well geez, God bless us all!

The Wavey Cross

A few years ago I had a vision of a wavey cross. The cross was made of bright white light, and at the time, it seemed symbolic of a light entering the darkness.

Then yesterday, I felt like I was having a tough time truly forgiving some things that had recently popped up. There was, you know, the usual temptation to regard myself and others as bodies, and there was some anger in my mind. If you read my blog yesterday, it was obvious that I was in need of a miracle.

Then last night, I finally stopped procrastinating on watching my latest flick from netflix. The movie was called Dragonfly starring Kevin Costner (total babe!).

Anyway, darned if that movie wasn't chalked full of wavey crosses! By the time it was over, my unjustified anger (is there any other kind?) was gone. I got in bed just dripping with gratitude. I kept saying thank you, thank you, thank you, over and over.

Thanks God, thanks ten million!